


Caught Between the Devil and the Macchiato

by anarchycox



Series: Missing: Four Demons (If Found Return to Hell) [14]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Coffee Shop, M/M, Protective Big Brother, Shovel Talk, philosophical conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 17:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19469146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Eggsy goes out for coffee. The Boss decides it is time for a bit of a chat. Not terrifying at all to get the shovel talk from the devil.





	Caught Between the Devil and the Macchiato

**Author's Note:**

> This jumps ahead in time a bit to when Eggsy and Merlin are together - don't worry the blanks will all be filled in.

Eggsy loved Merlin.

A lot.

Like a lot a lot.

But the man was reorganizing his bookshelves, and swore he was going to trim 20 books out to donate to the shelter Percival volunteered his legal services to. And no amount of love and support for his demon was going to keep Eggsy in the house while that happened. He had grabbed his laptop, and booked it to the coffee shop a couple blocks away. He’d hear the mournful wails of Merlin letting go of some romances novels from there, when the final decisions were made.

Eggsy was flipping through men’s vintage fashion ads on pinterest because he was that man now. But he had a few ideas for a window display but needed some research done first. Harry was giving him more and more latitude in doing the windows, and he had an idea for a 100 years of Kingsman window but couldn’t quite get it to gel in his mind. Plus he was a little worried about Merlin. He really didn’t need to give up his books, but Percival had asked and Harry had given him that look, the please make Percival happy so he likes me look, and Merlin fell apart like a fast fashion top.

Eggsy was now a man who had strong and negative opinions about fast fashion. Which 16 year old him would be so confused. He was lost in his research and drinking coffee, and okay checking the sky to make sure there was no smoke from the direction of his home, when he noticed the bloke.

Fuck, he was gorgeous. And smiling at Eggsy.

“Hey?” Eggsy said as he took an earbud out. “Problem?” The man smiled, and Eggsy almost caught his breath. Technically he had seen handsomer, came into their shop regular did handsome blokes, but this guy. Compelling. It was the only word he could think. Eggsy smiled back, didn’t think he could not smile back at the man. “You need the outlet?”

“No, shop’s just really busy, hoped I could bribe you with a biscuit, into letting me sit?” He held up a plate which had a couple biscuits on it. 

Eggsy looked around the shop, there were three empty tables. “Uh…” he gestured.

“Fairies at the one, a ghost at another, and the sun is just murder at the third,” the guy said in a cheerful voice, leaning in, being all gorgeous and compelling. “You don’t want me to interrupt any of those other fine folks do you?”

“Bruv, I appreciate a chat up, but how about you stick with the murdery sun?” Eggsy gave a nod, and went to put an earbud back in. Guy was everything Eggsy would have climbed like a tree a couple years ago. But he had his Merlin now, and a pretty face and sharp smile, compared to his hopeless demon? No contest.

“But you believe me about the fairies and ghost?”

“Friend’s house is haunted, and seen weirder in this world than fairies,” Eggsy replied. “Look, it was a chat up, and sorry dating someone. But I appreciate the whimsy of it. Better luck next time.” Eggsy tensed a little as the man just sat down. “Excuse you? I politely said shove off, and now I’m really saying shove the fuck off.”

“But Eggsy, it is time we had a talk.”

“That supposed to impress me that you know my name? I’m in here all the bloody time, ten quid to the wait staff would have gotten you that.” Eggsy closed up the laptop, and carefully put it in his bag. “You are damn pretty -”

“Aww, thank you, Eggsy,” he smiled so happily and sincerely. “Means a lot coming from you.”

“Now you are just being a fucking creeper, so I’m going to go. Home, to my boyfriend. And you are not going to follow me. Because I do not want to have to kick your arse.”

“Oh I know where you live,” the man groaned. “That makes me sound like the worst sort of stalker doesn’t it? I am so sorry. I am doing this all wrong footed. And oh, their machine is about to make just the worst noise in the word, do not feel like that.” He waved his hand, and Eggsy watched the whole coffee shop just sort of freeze. He saw a cup stall halfway up to a person’s mouth, he could now see the fairies at the one table, frozen, and they were both furious and terrified as they looked at the man chatting up Eggsy. He looked out the window and the whole world was still moving. Just not the coffee shop. “Just borrowed a tiny pocket of time and space. No biggie.”

“Sure,” Eggsy just shrugged. “Lots of tiny pockets of time in London. Easy.”

“See, that there, that is why you are special,” the man sat down. He offered the plate of biscuits to Eggsy, and pouted a little when Eggsy didn’t take one. “You are just really good at rolling with the punches. I like a bloke who does that.”

“And I like a bloke who ain’t a bloke, so how about you let this tiny pocket of time move along.”

“In a minute,” he agreed. “I should probably introduce myself.”

“Probably, but doubt you’ll tell me the truth.”

“No, see, lies are boring. I only tell the truth. It might play on the edges, but lies? I save those for others.” He picked up a biscuit. “Just like your bloke who ain’t a bloke.”

Eggsy pulled a fob out of his pocket and held it next to the man’s cheek. “You here to bring Merlin home? Because this pressed to your skin will send you back there, and you ain’t coming above again.”

“Harry gave that to you to protect Merlin, didn’t he? They always looked out for each other. And I made the magics in that pretty little piece of metal, so it won’t work on me.”

That gave Eggsy pause. Because Harry had said it had been a gift. A powerful gift that only one person, one being could have made. Eggsy grinned, and pressed it against the man’s cheek.

“I really like you, Eggsy,” the man said as it did nothing. “And I am sorry, that a couple have tried to insist Merlin come home. I promise I have dealt with that issue. We are fine while he has his sabbatical. I mean sure, things run smoother with him behind the wheel. But guy hadn’t taken a day off in...400ish years? He was due, no matter what they think.”

Eggsy put the fob back in his pocket. They just stared at each other in the frozen coffee shop. Eggsy tense, the man smiling. “They just call you Boss, or The Boss. What do I call you?”

“What would you like to call me, I have lots of names. Pretty flexible on it, actually.” He took a sip of coffee. “Oh this is a nice place, no wonder you come here. You know, we didn’t actually come up with coffee. Or drugs. You guys did that all on your own. I love people.”

“Really, you love people?”

“Sure,” he agreed easily. “See, you lot are utterly predictable and completely unpredictable at the same time. It’s really fun to watch.”

“You watch humanity like what telly?”

“No, I watch telly like it is telly,” he giggled a bit. “Want to know what we came up with?”

“Reality telly, duh,” Eggsy said.

“Ha! No, see you’d think that right, but totally you guys. You ready for it?” He started moving his hands about, “I’m not saying for sure aliens built this - but just...what if...could people really have done this, back then, when we barely could do it with modern tools?” He giggled some more. “Alien shows, shark week, big foot shows? That’s all us. Do you know how much sloth we created by having those marathon? Brilliant. Just brilliant.”

“Okay, but sharks, real thing. Big foot, not real. Aliens? Up for debate.”

“Can’t help you on aliens,” he shrugged. “But big foot is real.”

“Bullshit.”

“Well, it is sorta real? I mean big foot, unicorns, dragons, all us. If enough people believe in a thing, doesn’t that make it a little real? I’m mean hey we’re here right? Am I real because I taught people about me, or am I real because people needed someone to blame, “the devil made me do it?” He nibbled at his cookie some more.

“Well if you aren’t real, neither is Merlin, and he feels pretty damn real.”

“Maybe this is all a mass hallucination you are having?” 

“See there, you phrased that like a question. If it was the truth, it would have been a statement. But you like the truth, just as Merlin does. You said.”

“You listen, better than most people. Love that about you, plus that soul. Oof if I was interested, I’d be interested.”

“Carnal relations with a demon hasn’t tarnished my soul?” Eggsy had to admit this was something he was curious about, and Merlin wouldn’t answer.

“No,” the boss smiled at him. “See if it was to gain power, to control him, a million other things, you’d be under his aegis when you died. But you love. You love him so much and so purely, makes your soul shine even brighter. Lots sniffing at your heels back home, want a taste of you, but then they remember what happened to the poor baby demon, and stay back.”

“Like I’d step on out Merlin,” Eggsy snorted. “Your eyes aren’t swirling.”

“This is what I look like,” he replied. “I mean have the wings hidden, but never was altered. Supposed to be a punishment, keep my angelic visage while trapped in hell, but eh? Don’t think it worked the way god wanted it to, or maybe it did but I haven’t figured it out yet.” He leaned a little forward, “want to see the wings? They are super pretty.”

“The whole of you is pretty.”

“You are so sweet.”

Eggsy blinked, and layers of wings filled the coffee shop, tore off the roof, and filled Eggsy with wonder and terror at the sight of them. “Neat,” was all he said though.

“No wonder Merlin loves you so much,” the Boss put them away, and the building looked as it did before. “Now, I bet you are wondering how I got here.”

“Fucking Hasbro?” The devil had the cutest damn giggle with dimples, and it was so confusing. Eggsy watched him compose himself.

“No, that really shouldn’t have worked, but your soul, and the core of Merlin guess they were just destined. It is really romantic. Dream department is planning to plant the base idea in a writer’s head. Merlin will get to read a very loose retelling of his romance in a couple years. Little surprise, so shoosh, no telling him okay? Secret between you and me?”

“Yeah, guess I can have a secret or two with Lucifer.” Eggsy swallowed. “No, don’t like that.”

“The secret?”

“No, sorry, you just really don’t look like a Lucifer.”

“They always make me older in movies, why is that?” He huffed a bit, “I mean you know who my favourite version of me was?”

“I got no fucking clue.”

“It is a three way tie. Elizabeth Hurley, Tim Curry, and anytime there is a cartoon with an angel and devil on the shoulder of Donald Duck.”

“Cool,” Eggsy looked at him. “Look, Devil, no that feels either too formal or informal.” This was bothering him. “You really don’t have a preference?”

“I do, but you’ll get there on your own or you won’t.” The Boss snapped his fingers, and their coffee cups were full again. “Decaf, more than one coffee and I go haywire.”

“You could go see Merlin, or Harry.”

“Or Tilde, I know, but you are why I am here.”

“Who?”

“You haven’t met her yet, don’t worry about it. Timelines, I see a lot in the future, past, alternate paths, they get a bit jumbled, all that fun you guys have with free will.”

“Harry and Merlin jumped because of free will.”

“They did.”

Eggsy realized that the boss was smiling the way Eggsy did when he thought of Daisy. “You love them.”

“Of course I do, they are my baby brothers. My best soldiers, my best workers, my best everything.”

Eggsy blinked. “Oh. My. -”

“Oh don’t say the name, gets all chuffy when I come up for little visits.”

“You are here to give me the shovel talk. Aren’t you?”

“Well who else was going to do it?” The boss looked at him. “You are a blip to them. One human life for all that they have seen and done? You are a single grain of sand on a beach the size of Jupiter. You are nothing, a good soul, yes, but there have been billions of those. But you, in all of humanity, in every creature that ever existed, are the one that made Merlin take notice. He didn’t even notice the T-Rex and that was some of our best work!”

“But you lot fell because…” Eggsy closed his eyes. “Time doesn’t work the same way in the heavens and other realms, as it does here.”

“Good boy, and honestly, don’t think I could explain it, if I tried. Maths, man, they suck.”

“You bastards came up with algebra.”

“Nope, all you again. Balls what you do with that free will sometimes.”

“What does your invention wing actually do? I mean you guys are responsible for Hitler and Napoleon and stuff right?” And why the hell did the Boss look so sad. “You have to have been? Right? And…”

“I’m sorry, Eggsy, we...lay traps for people, sure. And we have definitely created some fucked up shit. Sure we created the game of Life, and Diamond Dots, and it is all funny, but yeah we nudged the hand that created mustard gas, and Harry caused the French Revolution with his dick, and Merlin maybe had a hand fucking up the Roman Empire. But anyone who has ever said 'The Devil Made Me Do It?' All them. There is a stupid, boring movie that loves this quote about me that goes around. With that asshole Kevin Spacey who is definitely ending up in Merlin’s department. But it is the whole ‘the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making people believe he wasn’t real'.” The boss spread his hands out wide. “I’m right here, Eggsy. Never hid, and when people go bad, they made that choice. I didn’t make a single dictator do shit. That is the great gift you guys got. It’s all you, we just bat clean up after.”

“So, Dean being the worst, that’s just him?”

“Technically, when he was 9 and stole from the corner shop, we had distracted the clerk; he made the choice, and he made every choice that came after.”

“I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.”

“Answer is usually in between, I find. Choices all around Eggsy, sometimes we set up interesting ones, but there is always a choice.” The boss looked at him. “You are building an interesting family, Eggsy, everyone is going to be facing a lot of choices soon.”

“You setting us up to fail, or to succeed?”

“Choice, Eggsy, but if it helps, I think you’ll make the right ones.” He finished his coffee. “Now then, right. I’ve been studying. So let me take a swing at this.” Smoke, fire, ash began to fill the coffee shop, and the beauty of the Boss because so sharp it hurt Eggsy to look at him. Every hurt that Eggsy had ever felt all filled his heart. “If you hurt Merlin, I will destroy you.” The voice echoed in Eggsy’s head and his nose began to bleed. In a blink everything was back to normal. “Oh jeez louise, I did that a wee bit too strong.” The boss hurried over and ripped a fairies wings off her back and held one to Eggsy’s nose and pressed another to his eyes. “Okay that should stop your brain from melting.”

“What the fuck, you just dewinged a fairy!” Eggsy glared at him. “Bruv, that is not cool.”

“It’s a fairy, they are bigger prats than my whole rich white boy destruction department.” 

Eggsy looked at the guy who honestly didn’t see anything wrong with what he had done, but Eggsy supposed the boss wouldn’t. “I’m probably going to hurt him, because that’s relationships. You’ve watched us, you know even the best loves occasionally fuck up. But they fix it. We’ll fix it, until the end.”

“A grain of sand,” the Boss shook his head. “You are the shiniest grain of sand ever.”

“You going to say hi to Merlin and Harry before you go home, right? They miss you desperately. They are happy yeah, but they miss you. Like a brother, like a colleague? Can’t explain what sort of miss, but they do.”

“I really shouldn’t bother them, this is their sabbatical.”

“Oi, you don’t come and almost melt my brain and not at least say hiya, what the hell? You got no manners down there?”

“Not without Harry.”

“Why don’t you call them their other names, the true ones?”

He smiled, and fuck he really was pretty, “Because Harry and Merlin are their true names right now. And afraid I’m going to be just a little rude, just this once. But might pop by again. I like you, this was fun!”

“It was something, Nick,” Eggsy replied and blinked. “Why’d I call you Nick?”

“Some people have called me Old Nick,” the boss grinned. “Not quite my fav name, but I like it from you. We can stick with that one. You know, weird that you gathered my best to you, quite by accident. My best fuck, my best torturer, my best baby bargainer, and my best inventor. Is it you, is it chance?”

“I know two demons, Nick.”

“You’ll soon know more,” he smiled at him. “You are alright you know. Cute too. Merlin did good choosing to answer your call.”

“I forced him.”

“Did you now? Free will, sweet boy, makes all sorts of interesting things happen. Be careful with them all. I’m expecting a lot out of you, you know.”

“Fucking hell, Nick, try to say something not completely terrifying.”

The Boss leaned in, “Now where would be the fun in that?” He whistled as he walked out of the shop and time returned to normal, and the espresso machine really did let off an annoying noise. He couldn’t see the fairies or ghost anymore. But still he mouthed sorry to where the fairies had been and hurried out of the shop. He looked at his phone and it wasn’t like there was a missing hour or nothing. It was about what it should have been if time hadn’t been stopped for however long that had been.

Eggsy shivered, and looked around. World looked normal. He supposed it was. He was lovers with a demon, and best friend with another. Meeting their boss wouldn’t change much.

He wondered though about choices, and the two other demons. Eggsy hurried home, and poked his head into the house. “Baby? Are you okay?”

“No,” was called from upstairs.

Eggsy left his bag by the door, and headed up. Merlin was in the bedroom they had changed into a study and he was clutching a reusable bag. “Oh, baby, I told you, you don’t have to give any books up.”

“Harry promised to buy me more, if I did. And I don’t even like these ones that much. Not a one read more than thrice. Good cause.” Merlin clutched the bag tighter. “This is how women feel when their kids go off to uni. You know this will help them fulfill their potential, but you just want to put their broken spines on a shelf to look at forever.”

“So close there, baby,” Eggsy said and sat on the ground next to him. “We can just buy books for the shelter. Go to the used shop specifically and buy them a huge stack.”

“Harry promised signed.”

“Oh well then,” Eggsy kissed Merlin’s head and slowly tugged the bag out of his grip. “There we go. How about I just pop these to Percival’s and bring back some curry.”

“Go, swiftly before I claw them back from you.”

“I love you so much, baby.”

“I love you, too. How was coffee out to avoid my emotional turmoil?”

“I went because I needed the coffee and we were out.”

“No we weren’t.”

Eggsy kissed his head. “No, suppose we weren’t. I’ll be back soon,” he said not wanting to answer the question directly. 

“I would like Tikka.”

“You got it.” And maybe Eggsy would stop in a bookshop on the way, and pick up a treat for Merlin too.

Eggsy walked out of the house a spring in his step. Today had been a big day for their house, Merlin giving up books, Eggsy meeting the Boss. He thought he’d get them the garlic naan to go with it, and some pakoras. He passed by a craft store and the window had a Diamond Dots display with a finished one, of the fucking Last Supper. “Oh, Nick fucking loves that I bet.” Eggsy swore he heard the boss’s giggle but he decided to ignore it.

He didn’t have a guardian angel.

He had the devil watching over him.

Who else could say that?


End file.
